Successful Dieting Plan

Jereme and I are contemplating putting a patent on this diet plan and making millions....

How to go for 5 days to an all-inclusive resort and still lose 5-10 pounds:
Find yourself a great resort. Make sure it is all-inclusive for food and drink. Eat and drink constantly. Even after eating a complete meal, you still must visit the 24-hour VIP lounge for another drink and to make a plate full of "snackies" in case you are still hungry. Stay for 5 days.

On day of departure, wake up and have constant stomach cramping. Try to ignore. For the next 24 hours, double over at the waist b/c of the previously mentioned pain. After 24-hours, assume you have eaten something bad or inadvertantly drank some of Mexico's finest water. Spend the next 24 hours racing to the bathroom while trying to keep 2 busy crawlers out of everything in the house. Lay on couch or bed, have cold sweats and then jump up to run to the bathroom again. Step on scale the next morning and realize you have lost a minimum of 10 pounds. Breathe a sigh of relief that when you pass gas nothing else accompanies it.