Friday, March 6, 2009

For safety reasons, of course...

I guess I am going to have to give up vacuuming. In a last-ditch attempt to make it appear that I do something around the house, I have committed the past few Friday mornings to doing all the laundry and fake cleaning. C'mon, girls you know what I mean by fake cleaning. Wiping off the counters in the bath, cleaning the toliets and telling yourself that NEXT week is the scheduled shower and floor scrub down, although that's what you said last week. Then, you dust only the areas that might be seen if someone stopped by and you Swiffer the kitchen floor, using the "next week" line on truly mopping it. You also are magically able to ignore milk splatters on the wall, handprints on the doors, etc. It's a gift, we as mothers (sane ones at least) have been given.

Anyways, I digress. I was vacuuming. Isaac typically pulls the cord for me and Jorden (reminiscent of his father) sits on the couch and watches me. Isaac and I are vacuuming the hall, the back bedroom and our room. As I finish, I notice Isaac right beside me but Jorden not running to see me, as per usual, when the vacuum is shut off. Hmmmmmmm, strange.

I put the vacuum away and begin looking for him as I am certain he is playing his "hiding" game. Apparently, he's gotten better since the last time he hid behind the couch. I went to the kitchen, noticed laundry room door open, which led to garage door open which led to door outside open. Bonner, our dog, has been released from the backyard by the gate, too. I race around front and where should my precious son be? 5 houses north playing in someone's yard with his watering pail. Seriously folks, it's for safety that I must stop cleaning.

And, as if my morning couldn't be topped, we had to go to Walmart. I was mad, needless to say but I had to return 2 packages of shower invites. It was almost worth the $10 of refund to just keep them. But, the tightwad in me won out. I'll only give you one small story to illuminate the whole experience. We stopped at the bank, first. The boys got suckers. Isaac dropped his sucker on the floor at Walmart. Panic seizes him and he appears to be winding up for a tantrum. I frantically weigh my options:

1. throw sucker away leading to massive toddler meltdown
2. suck it up, pick up his sucker, lick several times to "clean" it for him and move on in peace.

Anyone with children knows there is only one option. I licked it for him and handed it back to smiles and giggles from both children. Standing in line at customer service I try to figure out what is in my mouth. I finally pull out a short, coarse, dark, partially curly hair. I am quite certain it is not a hair from someone's head. Choke down puke and try to think happy thoughts.

TGIF!!!!!

4 comments:

Cricketchirp said...

OH my, I can't stop laughing at the special hair you stopped by to pick up at Wal-Mart......ewwwwww, ew.ew.ew.ew.EW!

Jorden, you smarty pants escape artist you! And waiting for a distraction, clever boy!

Kelli said...

Oh how scary! Yes that is sign you shouldn't ever vacuum! Oh and yes I have mastered the art of fake cleaning.

EWWWWW! Um there is 1 more option. Throw the sucker away and RUN (like sprint) to the candy aisle. Grab a bag of suckers, rip it open and hand him 1. Of course then pay for the suckers on your way out. Then throw a few in your purse for the next time that happens.

Anonymous said...

Ewww ewwww! I just gagged! lol

I'm pretty sure I couldn't have taken one for the team like that! But I'm a mean mom - I just tell D to suck it up! :P

How scary that Jorden got that far that fast! Little booger!

Oh - and what does it mean if my real cleaning IS 'fake cleaning'??!!

~ Nat (i can't remember my password so I'm anonymous ;)

Anonymous said...

Diane
Stacia emailed me your link because she thought I might be able to relate. So true! You crack me up. It was definitly the funniest part of my day! We need to get together and do the park thing!
Kim Fulkerson